I think this time around, this
little experience was bad. The first five minutes, I was focused on using my
other senses. I listened to the sounds of the birds, the people mowing grass,
and the sounds of my dad coming home. That was fine, until everything grew
silent. The birds stopped chirping, the person finished mowing their lawn, and
I stopped hearing my dad move around. After that, I observed the way sunlight
was filtering into the room and the dust motes twirled in the light. This was
the first five minutes. After that, everything went downhill. I got bored with
the silence and started playing in my hair, and after I lost interest in that,
the urge to turn back on the computer made itself known. It’s not that I’m
bothered with sitting in a silent room and just relaxing. The blank screen just
irked me, because I knew I could be doing something more exciting on the
computer. The ten minutes that followed were some of the longest minutes in my
life. When I turned back on the computer, I felt a sense of relief. I felt connected
with the world again and went straight back to tumblr and the Fairy Tail Wiki.
This time was definitely worse than
before. My mindset wasn’t the same. Instead of seeing this as an exercise to
reflect on my actions, I saw it as a nuisance. I didn’t spend time
re-evaluating my life choices or daydreaming about my future. I was anxious to
get back to social media and see what memes were created in response to Beyonce’s
new album Lemonade and trying to research a character in this manga I’m
reading. The blank screen I stared at was a tease, because I knew the wealth of
knowledge I could access with a click of a button. It is because I knew this,
that staring at the screen was so annoying this time around. I just wanted to laugh at the memes ad be happy.
